lol
5 days agoHe longs to say something, here it is.
Before I tell you a little about myself, allow me to tell you why I made this tumblr. I originally had another tumblr, but due to my parents finding it I decided to stop posting on it. I would mainly just post pictures, songs and writings to help me calm down when I would get frustrated.
Those things would include images I have found that represent my current mood. I either made them or stumbled across them on the internet. Now these images and writings disturbed my parents and real life friends because to them I do not appear to have anything to do with these pictures.
In order to escape more harassment from them I decided to make a a new tumblr and here it is. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do making it into what it is. Now if you are interested about me, that will be in the next paragraph.
I am 18 and I enjoy GRAPHIC DESIGN! writing, music, snowboarding, skating and the computer, I have nothing against drugs, I actually think that you can find yourself through them if you are that type of person, but most people are not. I find that if you are the type of person who can't handle the power they have to offer, you shouldn't dabble with them at all. Besides those hobbies I also like watching all kinds of movies and playing all kinds of video games. I enjoy thinking about life and trying to figure out what the hell this is all about, although it seems like for every answer I find, 20 new questions arise. Philosophizing usually makes me depressed, since I usually come to the conclusion that there's nothing magical about life. I'm only a combination of cells. I'm only a furless primate with a big brain. I sometimes feel that I landed on the wrong planet, by watching other people and all the unreasonable things they so often do. But I usually forget about all this and just enjoy life as it is. I think that's the point; not thinking about the point! And there are some magical aspects about life in which it's hard to scientifically explain: For instance music! I think it is weird that if I play three notes on a piano, it will sound sad, but if I change one tone, the tune is happy? Anyways, when a day is over I just like to sit down in a good chair, with a glass of juice, and maybe a cookie, and just really hate religion.
Those things would include images I have found that represent my current mood. I either made them or stumbled across them on the internet. Now these images and writings disturbed my parents and real life friends because to them I do not appear to have anything to do with these pictures.
In order to escape more harassment from them I decided to make a a new tumblr and here it is. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do making it into what it is. Now if you are interested about me, that will be in the next paragraph.
I am 18 and I enjoy GRAPHIC DESIGN! writing, music, snowboarding, skating and the computer, I have nothing against drugs, I actually think that you can find yourself through them if you are that type of person, but most people are not. I find that if you are the type of person who can't handle the power they have to offer, you shouldn't dabble with them at all. Besides those hobbies I also like watching all kinds of movies and playing all kinds of video games. I enjoy thinking about life and trying to figure out what the hell this is all about, although it seems like for every answer I find, 20 new questions arise. Philosophizing usually makes me depressed, since I usually come to the conclusion that there's nothing magical about life. I'm only a combination of cells. I'm only a furless primate with a big brain. I sometimes feel that I landed on the wrong planet, by watching other people and all the unreasonable things they so often do. But I usually forget about all this and just enjoy life as it is. I think that's the point; not thinking about the point! And there are some magical aspects about life in which it's hard to scientifically explain: For instance music! I think it is weird that if I play three notes on a piano, it will sound sad, but if I change one tone, the tune is happy? Anyways, when a day is over I just like to sit down in a good chair, with a glass of juice, and maybe a cookie, and just really hate religion.
November 3, 2009
According to my friends “ecstasy test kit” which tests for what is in the contents of a certain pill, the rolls he bought contain.
Ketamine : 10
Caffeine : 6
MDMA : 5
BZP : 1
Methamphetamine : 1
TFMPP :1
I had never even heard of BZP and TFMPP I think I might try like 3 or 4 of them, haven’t decided yet though. They sound intense. He has yellow dolphins :-)
5 days ago
November 1, 2009
Weird
So I currently have not been interested in a girl since my last girlfriend. It’s weird really, I miss having a crush. Just being able to think about a crush, think about what it COULD be like. Missing it really makes me realize how big my obsession with escapism is. I think this quote from one of my favorite books words it o so well.
“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”
That is why escapism appeals to me so much. Because I just get stuck in this depressing, my life sucks, no one will ever love me besides my family, suicidal bullshit and escaping it however I can is the only thing that keeps me going.
I think that is why drugs appeal to me so much, they work so well for escapism. Not to mention I am really afraid to trust someone for more than a couple of conversations, therefore coping with things alone is how I usually cope. Let me let you in on a little secret about myself, I SUCK AT COPING ALONE. I end up just saying fuck it and escaping somehow. Either with drugs, thinking about how awesome the future will be, or videos games. Now obviously the drugs is the fastest and easiest way to fully escape something, but it is physically and mentally the unhealthiest. Hints why I think that my death will not be because of my constant mentally altered state of mind, but a direct result of a life of loneliness.
It really is the main thing i am escaping from, a constant state of feeling alone, unlovable and a failure. Sometimes I wish my suicide worked.
1 week ago
It’s true.
1 week ago
October 4, 2009
I wish I could talk to you about it, but I am afraid that you will tell me other people know about it.
1 month ago
Even though I would never try it for a 3rd time. I hope.
1 month ago
